“A bar mitzvah is a coming of age ritual in Judaism, so bar is typically for boys, bat is for girls, and b’nai is for the gender-inclusive or multiple bar mitzvahs. For example, if there are twins, it would be a b’nai mitzvah,” explains Alexis Skigen Rago, a Congregation Beth Shalom (CBS) member. Her son celebrated his bar mitzvah this year.
“Literally, children of the commandments,” translates Bernie Newman. Newman is a Gabbai at CBS. A Gabbai assists the Rabbi. Newman also instructs young people when they begin their bar mitzvah journey.
“When a Jewish child reaches this age of adulthood, they take on certain responsibilities and one of them is responsible for their own behavior, for their own actions, for following the commandments of Jewish tradition,” says Newman. “When a kid is, say, eight years old and they throw a baseball and break their neighbor’s window, the parent has to pay for that. But once a child reaches age 13, the idea is that they have developed enough of a moral sense that they can tell right from wrong, and so that child at age 13 has to pay for the window themselves. They have to take responsibility.”
Rooted in Jewish traditions
“It is something I did when I grew up, and it’s just really special,” says Rago. “You lead the service. It’s about becoming an adult in the Jewish religion’s eyes and in your community, and it’s really special.”
Rago’s son Cole began working with Newman a year before his bar mitzvah, which happened on May 24, 2024.
“It was hard,” says Cole. “I studied, like, 20 to 30 minutes every day. Some more, some less. And I had to go to three or four services every single month. And I had to meet with my bar mitzvah teacher, Bernie Newman, for 30 minutes every week.”
“The different students, the different children, they all have different abilities,” says Newman, “and, we don’t ask that every student do exactly the same thing. We really customize it for each student. For Cole, he was one of those students who just wanted more and more and more. So as he would learn something, learn a prayer, learn a verse, he’d say, give me something else.”
Cole ended up leading a large portion of the service, making his whole family very proud.
“To see him standing there with such poise, it’s amazing,” says Rago.
“It was a really fun process, and I just had a lot of fun working with everybody, and it felt great. Best day of my life,” says Cole.
630 Naperville interviews: Alexis Skigen Rago, Cole Rago, and Bernie Newman
